Things not to say to police officers:

1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

2. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

3. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

4. Are You Andy or Barney?

5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.

6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

7. I pay your salary!

8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

11. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

And One That Worked

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought, and stepped on the gas. The needle hit 90, 100, 110, 130, and finally, 150 with the lights still behind him.
"What in the devil am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

"I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like
more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I
haven't heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night", said the officer.