Marriage is grand. Divorce
is about 20 grand.
A broken heart is what
makes life so great ten years later, when
you see the guy in an elevator and he is fat
and bald and smoking a cigar and saying
"Long time no see."
Men are like guns... keep
one around long enough and some time you're
going to want to shoot it.
A man rushed home from work, burst in the
door, and exclaimed, "Pack your bags,
woman. I just won the lottery!" His
wife asked excitedly, "Should I pack
for cold or warm weather?" He said,
"I don't care, just be out by
A woman who dresses to
kill probably cooks the same way!
Newlywed wife: So, do you
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Newlywed wife: Yes or no.
Confucius say: Man who
sink into woman's arms soon have arms in
Wife: "You look
tired, honey. How about a nice steak, a
baked potato and an apple cobbler for
Husband: "Nah, I'm too tired. Let's
just eat at home."
Definition of a Bachelor:
A guy who believes in life, liberty, and the
happiness of pursuit.
Many a man owes his
success to his first wife and his second
wife to his success!
Adam said to Eve just
before the guests arrived: "Honey, did
you put my laundry in the salad again?"
Men who have pierced ears
are better prepared for marriage. They've
experienced pain and bought jewelry.
A bum asked a man for a dollar. The man
asked, "Will you buy booze with
it?" The bum said, "No... I don't
drink." The man asked, "Will you
gamble it away?" The bum said,
"No... I don't gamble." The man
said, "Well then, I'll give you five
dollars if you'll come home with me so my
wife can see what happens to a man who
doesn't drink or gamble!"