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"the
people who sat in darkness have seen a great
light. And for those who lived in the land where
death casts its shadow, a light has
shined."
Mathew 4:16
We
all sometimes experience times of trouble and
feel as though life is merely a shadow of what
it should be, whether we know Jesus or not.
But when we have Him at our side in our times of
trial and tribulation, He gives us strength and
comfort in abundant measure! I praise Him
for the shield that He has been for me!
In
1985, I had an accident that resulted in a
pretty bad head injury and concussion. Shortly
after, I began to experience exhaustion, rashes,
hair loss, maddening headaches, joint pain, and
even my skin 'ached'. During that
time I became so upset with the doctors
"treating"... and I use that word
lightly... me that I developed a strong aversion
to even seeking medical help.
My
complaints didn't fit with the injury I was
being treated for, so my doctor just wanted to
dismiss them as non-existence... a figment of my
imagination. When the doctor learned that
I had been employed as a bartender (a
temporary job after the company where I was
employed as Order Processing Manager had a major
lay-off of 100 people) he was certain that I Must
be an alcoholic, even though I told him I didn't
drink at all, not even occasionally, was a
teetotaler. He didn't seem to believe me until I
told him my father had been an alcoholic and
that had been enough to convince me I did not
ever want to use alcohol. Suddenly, he believed
that I didn't drink. AHA! THAT was
what was causing all the pain, fatigue, rashes,
etc. I was suffering from the ADULT CHILD
OF AN ALCOHOLIC PARENT syndrome!!! As my
grand-kids would say, "Give me a
break!"
I
told the doctor what a quack he was and asked to
be referred to a different doctor. He did send
me to another doctor... along with my medical
records and his opinions. And the
whole cycle began again.
(After
several doctors, I was diagnosed with
Fibromyalgia. Looking back, I'm certain
that I was going through a major "flare"
with undiagnosed Lupus, brought on by the
combined stress of the lay-off, and the trauma
from head
injury.)
With
time, and cortisone shots for the
Fibromyalgia, most of the symptoms
disappeared, and with the exception of
occasional bouts with fatigue, rashes and
arthritic pain, I was left with a pretty normal
life... and a dislike for doctors in general.
Then,
about ten years ago I became very sick. It
started out with a strange rash, low grade fever
and fatigue. It started attacking my
joints, causing excruciating pain in my ankles
and knees. It hurt to walk, it hurt to
move, and I couldn't even get up from
a sitting position without help.
I
made an appointment with a doctor, for the
first time since 1986. He was very nice, with a
sweet smile and a gentle voice. And as he
smiled at me sweetly, he gently told me,
"We all experience more tiredness and pain
as we grow older." Then he prescribed
an ointment for the rash.
The
ointment didn't help the rash, and they became
ugly sores. I just couldn't bring myself to go
back to a doctor, and was determined to go about
my normal daily life, hoping that this too would
pass.
Then
came the day that I sank down on a box in the
middle of K Mart, unable to take another step
because the knee pain was so great. I was
weak with fatigue and I was afraid... so I sat
there on that box, feeling frightened, embarrassed and
alone, and I prayed, "Please Lord, help me
get up and walk to my car. Get me out of here
and home again."
He
did give me the strength that I asked for, and
when I arrived home, I called for an appointment
with my doctor, determined that this time, I
wouldn't allow him to brush off my symptoms as
"a natural part of growing
older"!
After
much visiting and testing, my doctor again
assured me that he didn't think anything was
seriously wrong with me. However, blood
test showed an extremely abnormal white cell
count. When I asked what could cause that, he
smiled sweetly and said probably an infection of
some sort, but he didn't have a clue as to
what. But he was concerned about the rash
and sores, and we made an appointment with a
dermatologist.
The
dermatologist recognized that rash, and after
months of pain and suffering, and ruling out
everything from cancer to arthritis to allergic
reaction, I was sent to a rheumatologist
to check for Lupus.
During
this past ten years, there have been many flares
(times when the lupus is active). There
have also been times when months go by in
remission. How I savor those times!
I
am learning that it can be controlled. I have
learned what 'triggers' a 'flare'. For me
it is the sun, stress, and sometimes
viral infections. The
most important thing for my well being is
staying out of the sun. Just a few minutes
of that glorious sunshine can make me break out
in a rash and skin ulcers. It drains the
energy from me instantly, and I become weak ,
dizzy, and nauseous, often followed by a full
blown flare. I have also learned that pacing
myself, and adequate rest are absolutely
essential. I have learned to "not
sweat the small stuff". If I am going
to get stressed out and sick, then it will be
for something really important, not something
that I can't do anything about, anyway.
I've learned to worry only about things worth
getting sick for, and I've come to realize not
too many things fit in that category :o)
I
find no joy in the doctors office, and am not a
fan of the medicines (chiefly Prednisone and
other corticosteroids) that can bring relief, due
to the side effects that most cause with
prolonged use, so I try to follow instructions
to prevent flare ups and medicate with aspirin.
There will be time enough for the heavy artillery
later, if it should progress to the point of
being unmanageable.
I
have been so very blessed. My internal organs
have not yet been under attack from the
disease. And it can do much damage to the
kidneys, heart, lungs and brain. (My daughter tells me
she isn't so sure that I've been as fortunate as
I think. She seems to think something has
caused brain damage. I tell her, "Go
look in the mirror") :o)
At
this time, there is no cure for lupus, and the
best the doctors can do is treat the symptoms
to make them bearable.
Non-believers
have asked me why my God would allow me to
develop a disease like this. Why do bad things happen to God's
children?
I can't answer that question, but I can tell you that we don't
see the whole puzzle. All we see are the few
pieces that surround us.
God
didn't promise his children a heaven on earth
free from all burdens. But He did promise
that our burdens would not be more than we could
bear, that through Him we would be strengthened.
We are very selfish by
nature, and we can't always see the plan that God has for us.
I know that because of the ordeals of lupus, I have become closer to
Him than ever, for I have learned to trust him
more completely. I know that with Him by my
side each day, no matter what happens, I can face it. I
might have missed knowing that, had there been
fewer trials along the way. I
am not saying that He cannot heal and perform miracles
today, for I am a witness to the fact that He
can and He does! He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I have faith that even if He doesn't ever
completely heal me, He will be beside
me every step of the way, and His mercy is sufficient!
The
disruption of lupus in my life comes and goes,
but God has promised that He will always be with
us and never forsake us.
"Lo, I am with you
always, even unto the
end of the world."
Matthew 28:20
Wishing
you good health, happiness... and His
peace. And Always remember to be good to
yourself..... Wren.
What
Is Lupus?